My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
