Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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