I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
