I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
