remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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