well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
