so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
