and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
