At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
