I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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