Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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