Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Everything about him screamed your future.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
