im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
