I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
