I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So much Jack, so little girl.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
