SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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