I need help removing her.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize