I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
