I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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