yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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