I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
