what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
