nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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