but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
