um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
