i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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