My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
