at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
