ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
