I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
