i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
