Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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