I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
