Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
