I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
