You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
