I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
