I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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