Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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