either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
