It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
