Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
