I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
