Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
