Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
