What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
