I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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