So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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