so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
