I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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