So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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