First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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