Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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