omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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