You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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