I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
