I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
