I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
