Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize