come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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