the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
