I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
