I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
