Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize