I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
