I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
