half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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